Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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