if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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