Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
