at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
