Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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