One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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