I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
