Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
