he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
