I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
