My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize