Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
