and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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