some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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