saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she smelled like a LAN party
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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