Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
