He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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