I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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