I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
