Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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