I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
