The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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