the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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