So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize