I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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