I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My pussy is not your playground.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
