I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
