i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
