I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize