I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
