butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
