just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
