I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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