The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
