I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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