I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
