Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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