I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
