i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
