I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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