He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
