party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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