I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
