i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
