i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
