He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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