I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
