Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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