wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
