Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont even know how to be here
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
