Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
