I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
