You just made me feel so damn special
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
