Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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