I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
