It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
