I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
