I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
