A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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