girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
