So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
