she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
