I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
