Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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