he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
