u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
