The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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